The Downside of Doing What You Love
Don’t get me wrong.
I think that the fact that I have a job that I am deeply passionate about is one of the biggest blessings and privileges of my life.
At the same time…I want to shed some light on what it is really like to do what you love.
Or at least, what it’s like for me.
Because I feel that we often tend to think very black and white, when it comes to having a job you love.
Basically, we tend to think: “The more you love your job, the better it is”.
And I can see there is some truth to that. If you have a job you extremely dislike, with colleagues or working under bosses that are unkind to you, it makes so much sense.
I am also aware that I am privileged to have been in a situation where I could develop skills and get an education to do a job that I truly enjoy.
Still, I think there is a false notion that MORE love for your job is always better. And that your life is definitely not as “perfect” if love your job, as I believed when I grew up.
These were some of the factors that I didn’t take into account about doing a job you love.
- You Will Have a Hard Time NOT Thinking About Your Job
I don’t think this is true for absolutely everyone, but being around many people that are truly in love with their job and career and from my own experience, I can tell that it is harder to “let go” if you are passionate about your work.
I think it is hard to love and hold back and the same time. So if you love your job you will probably throw yourself completely into it.
You will not only be practically, but also deeply emotional involved in the work you do.
This is also makes it harder to switch off at the end of the day. You will think about awesome work projects when going to sleep.
In some way it can be amazing to feel so enthusiastic about something. It is a great feeling to feel this “burning fire” and strong motivation to take action.
At the same time, it can also be really exhausting. And it can be even harder to take breaks.
2. It is Harder to Set Boundaries
If you have something you truly love — whether it is a parter, a job, or anything else…it can be harder to set boundaries.
Probably everyone knows the situation where you are in a romantic relationship and you are adapting to your partner in some aspects of your life. If you are in a committed relationship, both sides will consider each other in big decisions. And you might NOT do some things you might have done if you would have been single, because the relationship is more important to you.
I think this is only healthy — that with strong relationships, we always adapt in little ways to ensure a more harmonious and loving connection.
This is the same way if you have a career you love!
If you love your career it is very important to you. That means, that you will most probably be more willing to adapt to it as well.
For instance, I have many friends and family who have a job they do not love deeply, but are generally just fine with. If their boss would ask them to work “a few hours overtime until 12 o clock at night” they would probably say that it is ridiculous.
But many people that love their job will not think in the same way. They see that if they work overtime for this time, they will have the opportunity to get a job done in a better way. Which means they will feel more content about the work they created.
Also, if a customer or someone you work with is unhappy, you can take it more personal than is reasonable. Sometimes I have received one critical e-mail, between hundreds of e-mails of happy customers — and I directly started to feel deeply insecure if my work is actually useful at all.
Just like when your partner is unfriendly to you (even though you know they love you) — and you will feel so hurt. Even though, if a random person on the street would have said the same thing, you wouldn’t even have cared.
3. It Can Become An Excuse
Many of us find it hard to deal with “difficult emotions” such as sadness, anger, fear or even just feeling bored.
We all have our own ways of dealing with it. Many will watch a television show, others will eat food…and some, will work.
Of course I know that there are worse ways to distract yourself from painful situations in your life.
But if you distract yourself with work, it is easily to deceive yourself (and others) that “you are just doing the right thing, as this work needs to be done”.
Even though the best thing you could be doing is just to be present with whatever you feel.
If you have a job you love, you have to become really careful with what your real reasons are to start working. You need to realize that working is not always the most “noble” or even “productive” way to spend your time, even if other people applaud you for it.
4. You Will Be Less Open-Minded
Before I did a job I truly loved, I was way more open-minded.
If people would ask me to randomly hitchhike around Europe I would be like “oh, yes, of course why not!”. I tried a lot of new passions, met many new people, volunteered at many places…
Since I have a job I find joy in, I observed I am not as spontaneous anymore.
Maybe this is something that generally comes with growing older moving from the “exploration” phase of life into “settling down” phase.
But it also seems that many people around me who have a job they love, tend to have less hobbies.
I guess it is related to the fact that if you want to realise big dream projects, you need to be very focused. It can be challenging to stay open-minded for other ideas if you have such a clear vision for what you would like to work on.
5. You are Afraid You Might Lose It
It is scary to lose the things we love!
The more we love something, the more attached we become to it. And the harder it will be to let it go.
Sometimes, you will act like an overprotective mother in your job.
You will be so afraid that “something goes wrong” that you will go out of your way to ensure the security of your job.
Which means you will be worrying about it or working more than is sane.
Sometimes, that will prevent you from doing other things that are more important.
It’s like a new mother, that will worry so much about her baby if it makes a noise for one second, that she forgets about her best friend that is crying on her couch.
I feel like at times, people that love their jobs tend to make their job too important.
It is not that I am constantly in fear of losing my job, but I do see how I sometimes focus on fixing tiny details in my work instead of taking the rest that I need. I guess this derives from a sense of fear of what could happen if I don’t give my very best 100 percent of the time — and ultimately, losing the job I love.
6. Other Aspects of Your Life Might Suffer
It is only natural that if you focus a lot of your energy on one part of your life (such as your career), you won’t have as much time left for other areas of your life.
Of course we all wish we were super humans and that we would have a perfect life in all areas.
And to an extent, I believe that is possible.
At the same time, there will always be opportunity costs.
In the time that you spend working, you could also have visited your friend and socialize, go to the gym or even watch a show on TV.
Or, otherwise said: you can’t do ALL.
When I read a lot of personal development books, I used to believe that this way of thinking is negative. As after all, “we get what we believe in is possible for us”.
But at some point I realized that rationally, it is just practically impossible to do two things at the same time. We all have 24 hours in our days, and we can choose how we spend it. But we can’t “work” and “sleep” at the same time. It is just practically impossible.
Instead of “negative thinking” I actually found this way of thinking more positive to me. It is just a way of being realistic what is possible, and then making a choice how you want to spend your time. It feels very empowering to realise that you have a choice — and then making a choice.
If you have a career you love, you will probably spend a lot of time on it. Most people that love their jobs didn’t find their job “by accident”, but worked really hard to get to a point that they can make a living doing what they loved.
And working hard sometimes meant, they had to say “no” to hanging out with friends or trying a new hobby.
Final Note
Loving your job is like having a passionate relationship.
It brings you to the highest highs, but also the lowest lows.
If something is truly important to you, you will feel emotional about it. Those emotions will not always be positive.
Finding a job you love will be a great joy in your life. But it’s not the magic solution that will make your whole life perfect, like society sometimes wants you to believe!
How do you feel about your job? Is it an intimate marriage or more like a “casual friends” situation?
